New here? Begin reading Session One
Anna came home right on time—unusual enough that I noticed. We were barely past the routine “how was your day” before she asked about my “attractive client.”
I was ready for it and, if I do say so myself, did an excellent job. I responded with a nonchalant, “Fine,” the session already settled in my mind.
Was that the end of it? Yes. My appetite returned, and I relaxed. Just before dessert, she asked, “How is she doing?”
I suppressed a belch as I squeaked, “Who, my client? Oh, my client? Fine.”
“You like her, don’t you.”
I shook my head as I said the obvious. “I like all my clients.”
Her eyebrows raised, and her forehead crinkled. “I think something’s up with you.”
I squeezed my fists under the table. What did she know? I asked, “What are you talking about?”
Her chair made an annoying sound as she scooted back from the table. “This is the day you see her, isn’t it? You saw her today. I can tell. You always seem different on Tuesdays.”
I pushed back as well. “I don’t know what you mean. Like with all my clients, I leave them behind when I shut the office door.”
I finally broke the uncomfortable silence that followed. “Anna, I just don’t get it. Don’t you trust me?”
She stood. “It’s not so much you. But you’re a man. You’re alone in an office talking to an attractive woman. I’m no fool.”
I laughed nervously. Her suspicions were so obviously off the wall that I didn’t know what to say.
She leaned forward, putting her elbows on the table. “Why won’t you tell me about her?”
Without thinking, I blurted, “You know what they say about what happens in Vegas.” I swallowed hard as I suppressed an urge to smack myself in the head.
She wasted no time in responding. “You admit it? There really is some hanky-panky? I’m surprised. Not so much about you. I just thought your ‘attractive client’ would have more sense.”
I glanced at my watch. Still two hours till bedtime. “Let’s watch a movie.”
She sat back down. “I’m not doing anything until you tell me the whole story. Are you sexually attracted to her?”
“Anna, you’re being ridiculous. You know I don’t allow such thoughts about a client. It would be a betrayal of trust.”
Instead of listening to reason, she picked up her plate like she was going to hurl it in the sink.
For a supposed expert in human behavior, I sure have a lot to learn about women. Maybe I don’t have things down quite as much as I thought.
At least Linda was sane. I was looking forward to getting things back on track with her. Still, I couldn’t escape a sense that something was building. Anna couldn’t have been right. There’s no way. The very thought terrified me. I quickly dismissed it.
***
For some reason, Linda lingered for an instant in the doorway. Before I could help myself, I stole a second look. The thin material of her top left little to the imagination. What was I doing? A fantasy I had while trying to get to sleep last night returned unwelcomed.
I grabbed my notepad and stared at it intently. “How has your week been?”
Rather than answering, she responded with a question of her own. “You know, I’ve met with you several times now, and I don’t even know what to call you. Should I call you Dr. Johnson or just Bill?”
I looked away briefly. I simply said, “Bill is fine.”
She smiled as she sat back. “Glad to hear it. I feel like I’m really getting to know you. It’s nice to be able to talk to someone who really listens.”
She then lowered her voice slightly. “I’ve got something a little embarrassing to tell you. I had a dream about you last night.”
I didn’t respond immediately, at least not in a way she could see.
She leaned forward. “Do you want to hear about it?”
I spoke quickly. “We talked earlier about your lifestyle and how it meshes with your earlier achievement drive. Have you given that subject any further thought?”
She looked at the bare walls of the office. She looked down at the floor and then back up into my eyes. “Not really. It doesn’t seem like a big deal anymore.”
My forehead creased. My sweat glands opened. “Linda, something seems off. Is there something else going on with you? It seemed like an important topic earlier.”
A slight grin crossed her lips. Even though the session had just started, I found myself stealing a glance at the clock.
She said, “Well… there’s something else that’s been on my mind.”
“Care to share?”
She spoke hesitantly as she looked at the floor. “I’ve been thinking about you and me. I’ve really enjoyed talking with you.”
“Same here. I think we’ve had some productive sessions.”
She frowned with eyes downcast. This time her speech was direct and certain. “You don’t care about me or how I feel.”
I squirmed. The hands on the old clock had barely moved, as if time itself had refused to move forward. “C’mon Linda. You know better than that.”
She pursed her lips as she looked up at me. “You don’t want to hear about what’s important to me.”
I looked down at my notes. “Isn’t that what we have been doing?”
She crossed her legs again and began fiddling with her watch. “I guess so. I just haven’t given it much thought lately. I’ve had other things on my mind.”
I almost sighed in relief. We would finally have a real problem to discuss…something I could get my hands on. “What’s bothering you?”
She leaned forward. “You know what it is.”
I shrank further back in my chair. Please God, tell me she has an ordinary problem. “Did your family say something hurtful?”
She leaned toward me to the point where we were almost touching.
She looked into my eyes. “I want to talk about you…us.”
The hands on the clock were definitely frozen. It will be awkward, but I’ll just have to sneak looks at my watch. Was the office shrinking or was it just my imagination? Could Anna possibly have been right?
I broke eye contact with her. “Linda, I’m feeling uncomfortable with where we seem to be headed.”
She sat up, somehow looking larger than before. “So, the great doctor does have feelings. Why don’t you tell me about them?”
As I thought about it, a simple truth came to mind. A psychologist without a clock is like a carpenter without a hammer. Reluctantly, I forced my thoughts to the situation at hand. “Let’s not get off topic. We only have a little time left.”
She sat there looking at me, saying nothing very loudly. Then, she bent over to get something from her purse. I followed her movement with my eyes before suddenly jerking my head back up.
The only sound came from my pounding heart. The room became uncomfortably warm. I covered my mouth with my hand as I quickly licked away a bead of sweat from my upper lip.
I had taken for granted the lady-like way she kept her knees glued together… until they weren’t. She made a faint sound.
I was so upset about the broken clock that I couldn’t take it any longer. I abruptly said, “I’m going to the bathroom.” While there, I looked at my watch. Still almost a half hour to go. I had to see this through. I returned and sat as quietly as possible. I reflexively glanced at the clock. How could that be? I couldn’t tell if time had moved forward or backward.
She paused before saying, “Bill, as we’ve been talking, I’ve been feeling closer and closer to you. I think you’ve felt the same. It’s time we face it.”
I gulped audibly. Almost too quickly, I said, “It’s easy for feelings to get confused in a setting like this.”
I could see crimson creeping up her face. “I don’t think I’m confused at all. Maybe you’re a little confused?”
Ew, that hurt. I looked at the door. It was still closed. The clock had only advanced three minutes. I had aged 30 years. I forced myself to look right at her, hating how attractive she was.
“You’re right. I am feeling a bit confused. It would help if we could get back on topic.”
She smiled. “We are on topic. As a matter of fact, I get the feeling you’re just about right on top of the topic.”
I pushed away an intrusive image. I held steady, if just by my fingernails. “Linda, our relationship is real, but it’s temporary. We’re here for a purpose.”
She was breathing heavily. I had no idea what it portended. She said, “I would like to spend time getting to know you. Maybe we could meet outside the office for a cup of coffee.”
I felt my fingernails press into the flesh of my hands. “Linda, our relationship is structured this way for a reason.”
She stood, eyes flaring. “You led me on! You talked to me like we were close. I thought there was something more to us than doctor-patient.”
Had I done that? Too late now. “You’re feeling betrayed. You trusted me.”
Her head moved from side to side. She was half in and half out of her chair. Muscles tensed. Her tone changed as she slowly sat back. “How could you do me like this? I did trust you.” A tear appeared.
I squinched my eyes but forced them to stay open as I witnessed her pain. I didn’t speak.
She stood suddenly, yelling, “You bastard!” She quickly closed the gap between us, raising her arm.
I instinctively grabbed her wrist before she could act. And there was—electricity, pure, simple, alive.
We both knew it. We were both horrified. I dropped her wrist as she returned to her seat.
She looked down. “I’m sorry. I let myself get carried away.”
“I hear you, Linda. We both got a little carried away.”
She looked up, eyes wide open. “Really? You do have feelings for me?”
I squeezed my thigh until it hurt. “Of course I do…within strict limits. Those limits are independent of you.”
“Could you make an exception—just once? I wouldn’t tell anyone. I think it could be very helpful for me.”
Needless to say, my stomach piped in. I was sort of grateful. It broke the mood.
As she got up, she reached for my leg and squeezed. The sensation shot up my leg. She then turned around and said, “See you next week.”
Linda’s Journal
March 31
I wonder if Bill is anywhere near as confused as I am. I’ve always liked a man who challenged me. And he does. I’ll have to admit, I’m having fun. He no longer seems so calm and self-satisfied. I was feeling a little shaky for a bit, but I’ve got my feet back under me again.
A friend asked me about our sessions. Surprisingly, I found myself at a loss for words. That’s not like me. I started to say a few pleasantries, but it wouldn’t have done Bill justice. I’m not saying I’m totally happy with him. The truth is, he sometimes infuriates me. I’m entirely direct and honest with him, but I never know what I’m going to get in return.
After I got so mad at him, I had to do some self-reflection. Maybe it’s not just him that I’m mad at. I started thinking about how my life had taken a course that wasn’t entirely of my choosing. That led me to memories of how my parents had shaped my actions by praise and criticism. It was the criticism that really got to me. I don’t know if I can ever totally forgive them for that.
Rick is learning to be more careful with me. I have mixed feelings about it. When he complained about dinner last night, I started to jump down his throat. Then I stopped. I realized that maybe he isn’t that happy either. It isn’t asking a lot of me to make his home life pleasant.
Then my thoughts return to Bill. I can’t imagine why he’s absorbing so much of my mental energy. There’s nothing special about him, but—okay, I’ll admit it—he fascinates me. There’s just something about him I can’t put my finger on. One thing’s for sure. He’s much stronger than I had ever thought.
I’ve decided that I’m doing all the work in the sessions. I need to let him show himself. Only then will I know who he really is. He is holding all the cards. I want to find out about his problems so we can talk on an even basis. I just used the wrong approach before.
I almost have to force my thoughts back to Rick. I’m so frustrated with him. I showed him my sexy new negligee. He yawned! What’s a girl supposed to do? I’m feeling hot and free, but I’m married to a eunuch. I do think Bill notices, though. It helps, but I’m even more frustrated with him than I with Rick.
When it comes right down to it, I don’t want to have an affair. I know that a lot of that is simply my conditioning. I’m starting to realize that it’s me as well. I’ve developed my own set of values. Sure, others played a part. That doesn’t mean that they forced them on me. It’s a confusing issue. Just who am I?
Rick’s Journal
April 3
This week has really been rough. I’ve been working 12 hours a day preparing for trial on a case that’s a real dog. I can’t believe I took it on contingency. The insurance company must know something that I don’t. I may never see a penny from it.
I hate the treadmill of work, but I can live with it as long as I’m making a living. This time I’m not only unlikely to make money, I could very well end up being embarrassed as well. I’m not really all that sure about my client. I would be willing to bet they’ve had private investigators watching him around the clock.
To top it all off, I’ve been coming home to find Linda acting like a sex kitten. What the hell has gotten into her? I just hope that the question is what rather than who. I don’t like to be suspicious, but there is no doubt she is acting strangely. She hasn’t even complained about how late I’ve been working.
I had forgotten how much she could turn me on. I drag myself home dead tired, but I feel energized when I see her. When this trial is over, I think I’ll take her out on an old-fashioned date and see where that leads.
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